Today I went in for a HSG test. Not to be confused with HCG test, which I've had MANY of the last few months.. This was a test to check my one remaining fallopian tube for any blockages. James and I really struggled with the decision and whether or not to go forward with it or not, for a variety of reasons; my body is ready to be out of stress and pain, tired of being at the DR/hospital/laps, bills and emotionally being drained just to name a few. It's still so hard to not scream "Why is this happening to me?!?" But oh, how the Lord knows my heart.
So, we went in for this test- we resolved that the fear of the test is less than fearing another ectopic pregnancy. It was scary for me though, the test itself and especially the potential of what the results could show.
The Doctor and nurse I had were extremely caring and so kind. This was such a gift from God. I had so many nerves walking into that room. They started the procedure which was indeed very painful and when he got to the part where he needed to attach the device to my cervix, he was unable to, even after trying multiple times. It was horrible. But, I have to say it really could have been so much worse had not the doctor been so kind and caring. He felt SO bad.. every time I would wince in pain, he would apologize so compassionately. Thank you Lord for that man! And I had a great nurse that was by my side the whole time.
So after all that they had to stop, and we walked away not knowing anymore then when we came. It just was not fun to go through, and its even worse when you don't have anything accomplished at the end of it. I haven't heard back from my OB yet on what her thoughts are and plans from here. I can't even think of going though that again. It's so hard to know what to do. It's hard to know whats trusting, and leaving in God's hands, and whats wisdom and taking precautions. If someone can figure this one out, let me know!!!
My heart is so ready to put this whole thing behind me. I know I can't control the emotional part, but the physical seems somehow more controllable (even though in reality it isn't). I'm ready to be pain free and feel healthy and whole again. I hate having limitations and resting is not easy for me. But time ever faithfully moves, and someday this will be a memory. I am thankful for the good the Lord has brought forth from it. But it is a battle.
May the Lord bless and keep all of us in the journeys that we're on!
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