Gardening and all the glorious food that goes along with it...

A pan of tomatoes awaiting to be canned!

One of my greatest joys is eating a fresh piece of fruit or a vegetable from my very own backyard! There are very few things that can compare and all the hours of work is SO worth the reward of the sweet taste of tomato in my mouth!

Another reason I love it is the connection it gives me to my heritage and the precious people that came before me. I love being able to talk to my Grandma about different varieties of squash and how to grow onions. I love getting recipes from her that have been made for so many years. My Grandpa helped us put up our garden fence last year and we could talk about living off the land for hours.  What seems like such a "new and green" movement has been in my DNA for years!

Last week we harvested enough Tomatoes to can a few quarts, we have varieties of Cherokee Purple, Black from Tula, Cherokee Chocolate, Arkansas Traveler and Tappy's Heritage. They are all Heirlooms that we grew from seeds. This is my first year of canning all heirloom's and while researching online I found tons of opinions about canning and it was hard to find any definite information regarding canning Heirloom Tomatoes. It's very important that the PH level is right in canning and from what I've heard heirlooms have a lower acid level. I ended up putting a 1TB of lemon/lime juice in with each quart along with the usual 1tb salt.
We are weighing things this year and one fun fact I determined is 12lb of tomatoes should yield about 6 quarts jars. 

Waiting for water to boil to scald the tomatoes in order to peal off their skin

Filling up the jars with goodness!

In the boiler

My beauties! All but one sealed which I threw in a freezer bag and froze.

Jesus, come heal my heart.

It's now been 3 months since we lost our Eternity Grace even though it feels like yesterday. Time has always been a incomprehensible thing to me but even more so these last few months. I finally think I put my finger on what it is- life moves on while I feel stuck in the same place. Things around me change, and days pass, but my heart and mind are still processing and working though the loss of my baby.  So many times each day I think to myself "I am a mom."  My greatest dream of being a mother has begun, but she's not here. I'm not experiencing the joy of little kicks and squirms of a little one inside me, I didn't get to see my body change shape with the reality that a baby grows within my very body.  I walk around thinking, "I am a mom.. but no one would know." My heart aches daily with the longing to hold my child. I love her so much. I miss her so much. Children are so precious and such a blessing. I pray my heart will always be reminded of this when I'm feeling overwhelmed with constant care they need.

As I grieve, I'm constantly thankful for Jesus calling my heart open and to pursue surrendering all in order to live from deep inside. I can't imagine living bound up with a shut down heart. I want to be free to speak openly and love and comfort others from a place of tenderness and healing. This is my lifelong journey. I don't understand how the Lord ordains and calls forth and knows all things, but I am thankful how He uses situations to teach us to love better. I want to be the wife and mother that the He has called me to be, I want to be open to change and grow even when it's painful. Even when it's a battle, and when I'm stubborn, I am so confident that a life lived for him is so much better then one lived for my own wants and desires. May our hearts goal be to under His control and not our own.