Noah's Birth Story!

I had to laugh as I went to write this blog... I found a post I started a month before Noah arrived.  It only amounted to "It's been to long since...." Haha! YES! It has, been so long since I've done an update here and hopefully I make it into a least a full paragraph this time! So, here we go!

As most of you know the pregnancy was a difficult one for me, filled with much morning sickness (the entire 9 months!) and other odd events like Noah pushing 2 of my ribs out of place! My mom told me many times that her births "were a breeze compared to the pregnancies." Well the Lord blessed me with such a story with Noah. It definitely hurt a lot, but I do consider myself blessed.

Labor started on Friday, April 27th around noon. I was at week 38 and two days. That night I had only gotten an hour and a half of sleep, and I had joked that morning about it not being a good day to go into labor because of the fact. That morning,  I had mom's group that meets at my house. My last mom left at 11:50 and by 12:00 I was started to feel icky. James came up from working down stairs and started sharing some things that had moved his heart that morning. I knew something was odd when I looked at him and said, "could you just stop talking?"  Which was much nicer then the "SHUT UP!" going through my mind! I then went into the living room and started balling because I felt like a horrible wife for shutting my husband up when his in the middle of sharing his heart! Haha, I don't know if all labors begin with emotional breakdowns, but mine did!
By 1:30 my water broke, which again was quite a drama for me because I was in denial that it really was my water breaking and not just me peeing my pants a lot! I called my midwife and doula, and both we're so encouraging. I remember Debbie (my midwife) telling me I would probably have the baby tomorrow! HA! And Julie (my doula) telling this was no surprise to the Lord and He would provide for every need in the moment I need it, even if I only had a short sleep the night before.
I don't remember much of what we did for the next hour other then try to convince myself that I might be having a baby soon... I don't know why I was so shocked after 9 months leading up to this event! My contractions were around eight minutes apart at this point. At 3:00 we went to the chiropractor because I wanted to make sure my hips were in good shape to have a baby, I was mostly nervous about the car ride and not being able to move around. But all went well and it wasn't until we got home that contractions stated to get intense and around three minutes apart. I got into the bath-tub and that helped, and soon after, my doula, Julie, arrived. I was so thankful for her and she helped me deal with the pain immensely. Up to this point James had been trying to talk me through the contractions, but I had such a hard time receiving from him!  We laugh all the time about when Julie got here, she would say the exact same things he did, but I responded so much more to her! It helped me knowing the has been through what I was going through!
Around 5:45 Debbie came and we got out of the tub and she checked how far dilated I was, which was 3cm. I don't even remember processing that I had to be at a 10 before baby came. My pain was so intense that all I could focus on was getting through it. Even when I was in the bathtub I was beginning to have the sensation to push, and even more so when I got out a was laboring on the bed. During this time James was scrambling to get the tub ready. We both figured my labor would be long enough that we would have plenty of time to get the bed and birthing tub ready. It takes a while to fill a birth tub and we ran out of hot water!
My contractions and the urge to push were getting more intense (sorry, I will use this word over and over, but it's the only way to describe them!) and Debbie felt like she needed to check me again. In 30 minutes I had progressed to a 7 and in the next 10-15 minutes I went to a full 10. 
At  6:45 the water was filled enough, and finally I was able to get into the birthing tub!  I can't say I felt a huge amount of relief, but I think it was because I was so close to delivery and my labor was past the point of being comforted. I'm sure in earlier labor you would feel more of a difference. I did like how much easier it was to move around though. So I squatted with my arms over the side and gripped onto James' arms for dear life! Even looking back, although there was so much pain and it hurt so much, it really was a beautiful time. I can't express enough how greatful I am for my birthing team. The room was so full of peace and joy. Through each contaction I felt everyone focus with me- It so helped me not feel alone in the place of pain.
One thing we had prayed a lot about was the fear of the possibility of Noah getting stuck after his head came through, I had to work through and surrender it to the Lord many times during the pregnancy. The Lord was so faithful and it didn't happen, but I was so thankful how I really had laid that fear at His feet, because at the moment his head did come through and as I waited for the next contraction to push the rest of his body out, the fear never once entered my mind!
At 7:39 Noah entered the "outside" world! James and I were both in shock that he had really arrived and it took a bit to process but it was so good to have him here with us! We are so thankful for our gift from above. He is such a joy and and true comfort to our family!!

So thankful for my husband!

James really did help me through labor in the tub, he was such a gift and a strong blessing!

Your in my arms finally!

He's really here!

Daddy's first time holding Noah!!

Skin to skin!

James snuggling with Noah!

My midwives, Debbie and Abbie

Faithful God

Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine, in the very heart of your house, you children like olive plants all around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord. Psalm 128:3&4

It was one year ago this month that James and I made the decision to try to get pregnant. We we're excited and to be honest, a bit scared! It's such a sobering thing to realize you will be responsible for a life, and our lives would change in such a huge way because of it.  All along, we never had any idea what the next year would really hold for us. Now, six months after we lost our little Eternity Grace, we are celebrating a new life inside me! Jesus has been so faithful, and He is so good to fulfill the desires of our hearts. His ways are not my ways, but instead of having one child a year later, I now am blessed with two: one I must wait for a while to meet, and one I get to meet in just a few months time. I'm 12 weeks (and a few days!) along, and only 4 months after surgery I became pregnant with this one! It's been quite a journey for me due to a very bad case of morning/afternoon/evening sickness. I truly didn't know it was possible to be this sick, so it's caused me put everything else aside and focus on simply surviving during this time. I'm very anxious to put this stage behind me and be free to enter into the full joy of the coming baby. The Lord has given James and I some insight into a couple of our future children including names, so we very anxious to find out if it's a girl or a boy to know who they are! 

I'd like to take a minute and talk about how thankful I am for Christian Healthcare Ministries (CHM).  James was very determined that we get some kind of health care before we started a family.  I am so thankful for my wise and kind husband! We decided on CHM because it best suited our needs, and we loved the idea of the Body of Christ coming together and truly acting as the Acts Church and caring for each other in a very practical way. CHM is not an insurance company but rather a very large group of believers that pay in a certain amount of money on a monthly basis, which then becomes a pool of money that goes towards the health care costs that may arise for individual members. There are three different levels costing different amounts the can fit each budget and health care needs. For me, we chose the highest level, Gold, which, over the course of a year, ends up costing much less then what we would pay out of pocket without any health care coverage for prenatal and birth costs. All this to say- Our first pregnancy was NOT normal and instead of a few thousand dollars it was close to $15,000 AFTER discounts. I cannot thank my husband who made the decision to first get health care coverage before we got pregnant with my ectopic, and I can't thank Christian Healthcare Ministries enough for providing such a wonderful service that was so easy to work with in the midst of a hard time.

I pray that my story can be an advocate to encourage you to have some kind of insurance or health care coverage, both James and I went years without it, and for the time that was totally fine for us. But I am so thankful we have coverage now, and love that we have the opportunity to be a part of a body of believers that can take care of each other rather then depending on the government to provide for our needs.
If you are interested in Christian Healthcare Ministries please message me for more details and our personal referral link.

A step of Faith...

Take my life, take it all
There is nothing worth me clinging to but You
Search my heart, search my hands
Wash me from the stains, ‘til what remains is true
I lift my head, You lift my soul
Shining as the sun, You’re the kindest one I know
So hear my voice, I make my vow
To hold nothing in my heart but all You’ve sown

"Take My Life" by Seth Parks

I really do view my life as a journey, with every day sometimes being a battle. How we as humans try to live a life for someone so much greater and above us is a mystery. How do serve and love Him when we are so different then He? My greatest battle is within my mind. I long to trust Him but feel a constant wrestle with my idea's of how things should or could be. He's ways are so mysterious. I don't understand how He gives and takes life. How sometimes he intervenes and some times He holds back for the sake of our will and broken flesh. How does He make that choice? How do we trust Him for things in the future when He hasn't operated in the power He could have in past situations? He knows all, and I know so little. This is what gives me hope and the strength to choose yes to Him in the midst of my fears and doubts. My vision is so small compared to His. I'm human, and He is God, of course He can take better care then I can. It's such a simple concept in thought, but so complicated in actual daily practice. He has made me a new creation, and through His Holy Spirit I have the opportunity to live by the Spirit and not my flesh. Help me Lord! He really is our only Hope, Lord help me cling to no other thing but You and the truth and promises you've given me. Help my heart be tender and not offended towards You in this journey!

Gardening and all the glorious food that goes along with it...

A pan of tomatoes awaiting to be canned!

One of my greatest joys is eating a fresh piece of fruit or a vegetable from my very own backyard! There are very few things that can compare and all the hours of work is SO worth the reward of the sweet taste of tomato in my mouth!

Another reason I love it is the connection it gives me to my heritage and the precious people that came before me. I love being able to talk to my Grandma about different varieties of squash and how to grow onions. I love getting recipes from her that have been made for so many years. My Grandpa helped us put up our garden fence last year and we could talk about living off the land for hours.  What seems like such a "new and green" movement has been in my DNA for years!

Last week we harvested enough Tomatoes to can a few quarts, we have varieties of Cherokee Purple, Black from Tula, Cherokee Chocolate, Arkansas Traveler and Tappy's Heritage. They are all Heirlooms that we grew from seeds. This is my first year of canning all heirloom's and while researching online I found tons of opinions about canning and it was hard to find any definite information regarding canning Heirloom Tomatoes. It's very important that the PH level is right in canning and from what I've heard heirlooms have a lower acid level. I ended up putting a 1TB of lemon/lime juice in with each quart along with the usual 1tb salt.
We are weighing things this year and one fun fact I determined is 12lb of tomatoes should yield about 6 quarts jars. 

Waiting for water to boil to scald the tomatoes in order to peal off their skin

Filling up the jars with goodness!

In the boiler

My beauties! All but one sealed which I threw in a freezer bag and froze.

Jesus, come heal my heart.

It's now been 3 months since we lost our Eternity Grace even though it feels like yesterday. Time has always been a incomprehensible thing to me but even more so these last few months. I finally think I put my finger on what it is- life moves on while I feel stuck in the same place. Things around me change, and days pass, but my heart and mind are still processing and working though the loss of my baby.  So many times each day I think to myself "I am a mom."  My greatest dream of being a mother has begun, but she's not here. I'm not experiencing the joy of little kicks and squirms of a little one inside me, I didn't get to see my body change shape with the reality that a baby grows within my very body.  I walk around thinking, "I am a mom.. but no one would know." My heart aches daily with the longing to hold my child. I love her so much. I miss her so much. Children are so precious and such a blessing. I pray my heart will always be reminded of this when I'm feeling overwhelmed with constant care they need.

As I grieve, I'm constantly thankful for Jesus calling my heart open and to pursue surrendering all in order to live from deep inside. I can't imagine living bound up with a shut down heart. I want to be free to speak openly and love and comfort others from a place of tenderness and healing. This is my lifelong journey. I don't understand how the Lord ordains and calls forth and knows all things, but I am thankful how He uses situations to teach us to love better. I want to be the wife and mother that the He has called me to be, I want to be open to change and grow even when it's painful. Even when it's a battle, and when I'm stubborn, I am so confident that a life lived for him is so much better then one lived for my own wants and desires. May our hearts goal be to under His control and not our own.

Health Update: June 2011

Today I went in for a HSG test. Not to be confused with HCG test, which I've had MANY of the last few months.. This was a test to check my one remaining fallopian tube for any blockages. James and I really struggled with the decision and whether or not to go forward with it or not, for a variety of reasons; my body is ready to be out of stress and pain, tired of being at the DR/hospital/laps, bills and emotionally being drained just to name a few. It's still so hard to not scream   "Why is this happening to me?!?" But oh, how the Lord knows my heart.

So, we went in for this test- we resolved that the fear of the test is less than fearing another ectopic pregnancy.  It was scary for me though, the test itself and especially the potential of what the results could show.

The Doctor and nurse I had were extremely caring and so kind. This was such a gift from God. I had so many nerves walking into that room. They started the procedure which was indeed very painful and when he got to the part where he needed to attach the device to my cervix, he was unable to, even after trying multiple times. It was horrible. But, I have to say it really could have been so much worse had not the doctor been so kind and caring. He felt SO bad.. every time I would wince in pain, he would apologize so compassionately. Thank you Lord for that man! And I had a great nurse that was by my side the whole time.

So after all that they had to stop, and we walked away not knowing anymore then when we came. It just was not fun to go through, and its even worse when you don't have anything accomplished at the end of it. I haven't heard back from my OB yet on what her thoughts are and plans from here. I can't even think of going though that again. It's so hard to know what to do. It's hard to know whats trusting, and leaving in God's hands, and whats wisdom and taking precautions.  If someone can figure this one out, let me know!!!

My heart is so ready to put this whole thing behind me. I know I can't control the emotional part, but the physical seems somehow more controllable (even though in reality it isn't). I'm ready to be pain free and feel healthy and whole again.  I hate having limitations and resting is not easy for me. But time ever faithfully moves, and someday this will be a memory.  I am thankful for the good the Lord has brought forth from it. But it is a battle.

May the Lord bless and keep all of us in the journeys that we're on!

Deals!

I love Whole Foods and even more I love their One Day Sales on Wednesdays and occasionally on Fridays. This is a great way to save a bundle of money on some great items.

This week they had gourmet Bratwursts on Wednesday for $2.99/pkg. They had 3 or 4 different varieties that we got to choose from, they all look great!

And this was a special week that they had a Friday one day sale as well:
Organic Blueberries for $1.99/pint!

They also had (probably still do :) Back to Nature crackers on sale for 3 for $4.00. I combined that with a $1off coupon in the Whole Deal flyer and got them for .33/cents a box!! We got 11 boxes for 3.66 total before tax.  I'd say that's a great deal!

11 boxes of Back to Nature crackers, 3 Organic Lemonade, 6 packages of organic Blueberries = $22.17

3 packages of Continental Sausages for 2.99/each

I really do find buying Organic or more "Natural" doesn't have to cost more then buying conventional food, watching sales and only buying sales items can cost just the same or even less in some cases.  Hy-vee has conventional Blueberries on sale this week for $2.88/pint -I got Organic for $1.99/pint.
If you get items on sale, use a Whole Food's "Whole Deals" coupon plus a manufacturer's coupon it adds up to some great savings!

If you sign up for Whole Food's Newsletter they send out an email the day before advertising the One Day Sale, I look forward to it every Tuesday and sometimes on Thursday's.

Hy-vee normally has good sale prices on organic produce that is cheaper than Whole Food's most the time. I also can find Earthbound Organics (they carry a lot of their stuff) coupons pretty regularly that help cut the costs. Another tip with Hy-vee is their Priced Right Guarantee, if a price doesn't ring up right (excluding weighted items) then the item is free - BUT it is YOUR job to catch it. I always watch every item as the cashier rings it up. Make sure all your groceries are on the counter before the cashier starts ringing items up, so you can focus on watching the screen. I walk away with many things for free because of this program.

Happy shopping!